I took a selfie on a long easy walk with Ginny today. It still makes me uneasy taking photos as I used to despise them. After I took the photo, I look at it and I am yet again surprised when I don’t get that depressed feeling while looking at the image staring back at me. Instead, I find myself happy with the image and in shock that the person staring back is me. And it isn’t just about the difference of how I look because of weight loss. I couldn’t pin it exactly what it is besides the size of person that is striking me so.
After thinking about it, I looked up some old photos. It is immediately obvious what the difference is in these images. And it isn’t the weight I lost. It is in the smile. The person before would pose for photos (after trying to find my best angle…) and stress about it. I would sometimes avoid photos too. The person I was before would spend hours finding ways to edit it to make it look better. The person I was before would struggle posting photos that I couldn’t even look at without feeling ashamed. The person I was before smiled for photos on the outside but on the inside, I wanted to run away from who I was and looked like in photos. It is so apparent that I am sure even you can see that smile is so different from the one today.
In those old photos, I was living life forcing smiles to appear on the outside when inside I was depressed and miserable. Today, I smile with ease and the happiness that shows outside is what is inside too. Not everything is perfect but it never will be. What has changed is how I embrace life and take control of it instead of letting life and its problems control me.
The life I live in my photos today truly represent who I am and how I feel most of the time. Before the photos were attempts to be normal and try to portray a happy life.
Photos have a power. They tell a story but can also hide a story. I cannot wait to continue to upload photos that tell my new truthful story of inspiration, happiness, motivation, and dedication. I am beginning to recognize the girl in today’s photo and feel that strength she so powerfully shines through unedited.
